Beds can always be unmade!
Choosing life
In the years before I left Sweden I was stuck in a trap of my own making. While I longed for my professional and personal life to be different, I was addicted to the security of running my own business and being in a relationship. After all, I loved my work and I had once loved my husband and his home country with a passion. I couldn’t accept that my life wanted me to let go and move on.
And while I would be the last person to advocate making a run for it at the first sign of trouble, I learned that sticking it out is not always the noble thing to do. No more lying in beds just because you once made them!
When we let go, life surprises us. While the plan had been to retire together to the south of France, I ended up divorced on a houseboat in Holland. And I still smile as I write this because ten years on, I am on friendly and supportive terms with the father of my son and I’m living back in Sweden. But living alone on a houseboat, I learned I could be my own woman, reconnecting with that native Dutch bolshiness that once used to scare the hell out of me!
Tangled up in bedsheets of our own choosing, we often look around to others to spring the trap for us. Instead we need to explore who in us is keeping us there; our inner taskmaster, our fearmonger, cynic, romantic or conventionalist. I was trapped at the time, by my inner conventionalist and my fear of insecurity. So I clung to the security I knew, at whatever cost to my wellbeing and that of my now ex-partner! When we finally let one another go, and I stopped worrying about what would happen next, my new life unfolded gracefully. As if behind the scenes the next steps had already been orchestrated for me.
And now, ten years on, I have returned to Sweden for another new adventure. As I gently approach my sixth decade, the bedclothes that might have entangled me in Holland were more to do with the social and professional safety net I had created for myself, especially as a single woman. The security of a steady inflow of new clients, great colleagues and old friends and extended family just a short drive away. But instead, I chose to trust the pull towards Sweden, especially when my son and daughter-in-law expressed to me how welcome my closer presence would be.
And the bedclothes didn’t tangle me up at all, I just danced graciously between letting go gently and moving towards, trusting that it would work out the way it would work out, and all would be well.
And what a joy I moved towards. Now, looking back, a year since I first arrived back in Sweden, the joy of being an everyday part of my son’s life surpasses the safety of the life lived in Holland. To see my granddaughter grow through her first year, from helpless infant to almost walking on her own two feet. To see my son and daughter-in-law grow into their roles as parents to this new little life with so much love and competence. To be of use to them while also being free to make new connections for myself. It was well worth packing up and starting over. Again.
And while I miss my friends in Holland, I will be sharing my birthday with them next week, taking a jumpstart on the first signs of spring that are still a long way off here in Sweden.
Life is an energy that is meant to move freely through us. Sometimes attracting joy, sometimes attracting challenges. Only by connecting to your core can you feel which challenges need to be overcome and which are unnecessary obstacles that hinder the flow of life and love, of moving on and embracing change and transition. Because beds can always be unmade!
Do you need help untangling your bedsheets, then contact me for a free half hour trial session. You have nothing to lose. PS: creeps need not reply!
Or maybe you want to share how you made adventurous leaps in life, and where you found the courage to do so! I would love to hear from you.